Dat zou jij nooit toelaten
The original Dutch edition that started it all – Tessel's debut on intimate partner violence.
Order in DutchVia Bol.com
Pre-order · English edition
You Would
You Would
Never Let
That Happen
When love turns toxic.
Tessel ten Zweege writes from her own experience in this international English edition of Dat Zou Jij Nooit Toelaten – You Would Never Let That Happen – a frank, tender guide to recognising emotional and physical abuse, narcissistic patterns, and coercive control in the relationships we tell ourselves are love.
The book
A book for everyone who once said "I would never let that happen to me."
We all believe we'd recognise toxic love the moment we saw it – until we don't. You Would Never Let That Happen takes you inside the slow, almost invisible mechanisms of abuse: the love-bombing, the gaslighting, the boundaries that keep getting pushed back, the apologies that aren't really apologies, and the version of yourself you slowly stop recognising.
Drawing on lived experience, expert interviews and stories from readers, Tessel ten Zweege writes with the warmth of a friend and the clarity of someone who has been there. This is the book she wishes she had when she was still inside this toxic relationship.
- Recognise red flags before they become routine.
- Understand narcissistic and coercive patterns.
- Find the language to name what's happening.
- Practical steps, and gentle ones, toward leaving and healing.
Pre-order
Reserve your copy
Pre-orders ship as soon as the first English print run lands – estimated November 2026. You'll get a confirmation email straight away and a tracking link when your copy is on the way.
More from the author
Other books by
Other books by
Tessel ten Zweege
Tessel's wider body of work on relationships, gender, violence and being believed – all available in Dutch.
Femicide
An investigation into femicide, the murder of women, in the Netherlands and Belgium – part journalism, part feminist analysis, part lived experience.
Order in DutchVia Bol.com
Voorbij de verbijstering
An essay collection on gender and violence, edited with Anja Meulenbelt and Renée Römkens, gathering 24 voices that think past the public shock to what enables it.
Order in DutchVia Bol.com